1. A Limerick

    There was an old man from Nantucket
    Who kept all his cash in a bucket,
    His daughter, called Nan, ran away with a man,
    And as for the bucket - Nantucket!
    
  2. A Series of unfortunate blogs

    I woke up this morning to discover that I had turned into a rather large root vegetable, possibly a turnip or parsnip, it was hard to tell.

    What happened next

    Reader, they pureed me!

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