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Sadly enough, Xie Lian couldn't for the life of him remember the first thing he ever cooked.
It had been during his time of busking with Feng Xin and narrowly avoiding Bai Wuxiang. He hadn't been passionate about much, let alone cooking.
At the time, cooking was just a necessity. After a long day of work with barely any pay, he would take over when Feng Xin and Mu Qing were busy with other chores. His mother and father rested as per usual, though Xie Lian couldn't complain about that.
He remembers that his food was edible, though. The first time he cooked, he only mimicked what he learned from observing both Mu Qing and the castle cooks. If he strains himself to remember it, he thinks that it was a good texture and all, just a little bland.
Overall, his food at the time really just reflected what he was going for. Good enough to eat without complaints. And everyone ate it fine, no puking or passing out.
That sort of reaction was reserved for his mother's cooking.
The former queen of Xianle had such a way with cooking. The first time she did it, it had been a surprise turned sour. Everyone tried their best to humor her but, really, it was horrible.
Nowadays, Xie Lian thinks he would eat three bowls full of her cooking without complaint.
Despite not tasting good (an understatement), her food was done with such pure intentions. Instead of a necessity, she had seen cooking as an art and a passion. In another life, if she had the time and training to learn how to cook well and experiment without it turning into poison, she would have been formidable in the kitchen. Instead of busking, they could've just opened a small restaurant.
Xie Lian thinks of the idea fondly. A family restaurant with his parents, Feng Xin, and Mu Qing. Feng Xin and Mu Qing would eventually go off to forge their paths as heaven officials, but Mu Qing could've left his mother in their care.
Later, Hua Cheng would've found Xie Lian. They would be a little family, and probably very happy. Not that Xie Lian wasn't happy now.
But, for better or for worse, his mother was a disaster in the kitchen. At some points, he had even yelled at her for it. He thinks of those times with a wince. He should've apologized.
He hadn't understood her passion for food. Where he cooked to get it out of the way, she looked forward to it. Where he didn't pay attention to how others felt about his meals, she eagerly awaited comments and facial expressions.
The last meal he had eaten that was cooked by her was not only disgusting on its own, but cold and spoiled. In his grief, he ate it regardless. Then, after that, he hadn't eaten a home cooked meal for a while.
The next time he had one, it was cooked by a nice old woman. She had found him in bushes eating the small berries that grew on it and slapped his hand away with a wet towel.
"Young man, those are poisonous!" She had warned as he rubbed his hand, though it was more the shock of being hit that he felt than the actual slap itself.
'I'm probably much older than you,' He had thought to himself, but he stood up and dusted his robes off regardless.
"Ah, thank you, ma'am. I didn't realize." He had, but poison wouldn't have much of an effect on him anymore.
"Aiyah! Look at those clothes!" She gestured to his brown and tattered robes with the towel. "Come here, young man!"
"It's quite alright ma'am, thank you for your-"
"That wasn't a request!" She said, then she gripped his wrist with her small hand and dragged him through the town.
He could only walk after her. If he tried pulling, he would create a scene. Plus, as much as he wanted to deny it, he could really use some help mending his robes. He wasn't the best with a needle and thread.
"How did you even get like this?" She asked as he followed behind her dumbly. "A handsome young fellow like yourself! You should be married to a wife who cleans and stitches your clothes up!"
"I'm a traveling cultivator who collects-"
"Nonsense! No excuse!"
Xie Lian quickly realized that, no matter what excuse he had for his current state, this lady wouldn't hear any of it.
"I'll draw you a bath, now give me those clothes to wash," She said.
"Could I get in the bath first? I would rather not undress in front of a lady," Xie Lian replied as he fiddled with his clothes. "I'd also like to learn how to sew my own clothes, if possible."
The old woman had given him a hard look before turning around and saying, "Alright. I'll start cooking, then."
"You don't have to do that! You're already doing enough as is!" Xie Lian rushed to say.
"You're a crazy young man," She said as she shook her head. "I don't do much nowadays, cooking one meal won't kill me."
Xie Lian gave up quickly, already finding out for himself prior just how stubborn this woman was.
"Thank you very much," He said with a bow.
She only waved him off and hobbled away, leaving him with his bath of warm water.
Just as promised, he was taught how to properly wash and sew his robes. She showed him proper needlework before handing him the sewing needle and guiding his hands. She didn't have any white thread, only brown, so a few lines of brown ran through his sleeves, though he really didn't mind.
She then began cooking and employed his help in chopping vegetables while she prepared the meat. He had been shooed out of the kitchen once he finished with one onion, though.
Xie Lian returned to observe how she chopped and seasoned her food. When he ate it, he catalogued the flavor.
"Miss, this is delicious!" He complimented.
"I'd hope so," She replied, but she sported a small smile
The old woman had made him stay the night with the excuse of his clothes needing to dry and, when he woke up, Ruoye had been cleaned and stitched with white thread.
"Ma'am, did you buy white thread? Please, let me reimburse you for my stay," He said.
She didn't turn around from her place in front of the stove.
"Just eat some congee and go back to your travels," She commanded.
He did just that, but also left all the money he had left on the counter.
"Thank you so much, ma'am," He thanked with a bow.
"Run along now," She said, and stayed at the door to wave as he walked off into the town to busk.
He hadn't seen her again and he could only faintly remember what she looked like, but her generosity crossed his mind from time to time.
When he was camping out in the forest at night, he tried replicating the dish she made. It was the first time he had cooked since the fall of Xianle.
The entire time he cooked, he tried to think only of the way the old woman had made the meal. The way she had chopped the vegetable, the amount of seasoning, the amount of time she let it sit.
But, throughout the process, his thoughts only went to his mother and the way she had chopped vegetables. Her hand would be holding the knife while the other stayed at her side. She would angle her body away from the board, almost like she was scared of the knife
The memory made him smile. Of course, he wasn't afraid of the knife, but he ended up with uneven vegetables due to his distracting thoughts.
When he was pouring in his seasoning, he tried to use it conservatively. He didn't want to use more than what was needed as getting it had taken a lot of hours of busking.
But, he could only think of his mother and how she would pour out enough until the color of whatever she thought she was making mimicked that of the powder. He remembered coughing at just the smell of the strong spices.
And, just like that, he used up half of what was once full bottles of spices.
When it came time to stir it and let the food finish cooking and soaking up the flavor, instead of walking away to clean the dishes and prepare plates like the old woman had done, he could only remember his mother calling everyone to look.
She was so mesmerized by the way the liquid swirled in the pot. When the food began to boil and create thick bubbles that popped and splashed hot liquid, she would flinch before laughing at the bubbles.
So Xie Lian did the same thing.
When he poured the dish into a bowl and took a spoon of it, tears instantly welled in his eyes.
It was sticky and spicy and bitter, which was not how it tasted when the old woman made it.
However, it tasted almost exactly like his mother's cooking. He finished his bowl before getting another, then a third one.
At night, his stomach rumbled ominously.
Every time he cooked, he didn't intentionally make it bad. He tried, but he could only think of how his mother cooked without measurements and a specific meal in mind. Almost as soon as she set out to make something, she began to build upon it until it no longer resembled any edible meal.
She could tell everyone she was making chicken broth and serve them a goopy chicken and pork curry.
One of the most important aspects of her cooking, though, was the names.
He had a foggy memory, but he could see the scene pretty clearly. He had looked at the stew she had called 'Blissful Full Moon Stew' and the meatballs she named 'Lovebirds Upon a Branch Meatballs' and felt only anger course through him.
When she was telling him the names, he had harshly interrupted her to demand, "Why did you name these things?"
"Don't all dishes have names?" She replied.
"That's for imperial dining in the palace," He said. "Ordinary folks don't give names to dishes."
Xie Lian wasn't exactly ordinary, but for most of his life, he was far from the likes of a crown prince. He named his dishes regardless of his normalness.
The next thing he made after the nameless dish was actually 'Lovebirds Upon a Branch Meatballs.'
His luck (or lack thereof) and nostalgia could only birth monstrous meals that only he was able to stomach, probably due to his pain tolerance that bloomed over the course of his very long lifetime. He chewed thoughtfully, making note of the difference in taste between his and his mother's cooking.
After a few decades to himself, he actually managed to perfect the meatballs to what they once were, and then the stew, too. Cooking like this, having fun with it and actually letting himself get lost in the process was in such stark contrast to how he used to be.
Sometimes, though, his newfound joy of having fun with food wasn't always appreciated.
When he was Hua Xie, a soldier who could ride through the ranks and gain respect as easily as he fell down said ranks, his food wasn't taken well by his peers. That was alright though, it wasn't like he was very fair to his mother when she had first served him.
'Actually, forget the first time,' He thought to himself as shame twisted his heart, 'I don't think I ever gave her a chance.'
Ban Yue had actually devoured his cooking before promptly regurgitating it onto the ground. He took this all in stride, though. Surely he could make a flavorful dish that left an impact like his mother's did without the negative consequences, right?
No. He could do no such thing. Once, years after Hua Xie's "death," he tried to. When he put a heapful of rice into his bowl followed by a spoonful of vegetable stir-fry and tasted, he just about threw the food out. He made the split second decision to give it away instead.
The food tasted good. Xie Lian was never an expert by any means, so the rice was slightly overcooked and a little mushy and the vegetables had just a little less salt and spice than desired but, other than that, it was an appetizing meal that anyone would be able to stomach.
He had thrown it up and cried. He wasn't even entirely sure why he did that. He could only feel overwhelming sadness and regret. Regret that he wasn't kinder to his mother during her last few moments, regret that he didn't savor her food when he still had it, regret that he had done every little thing he did back then.
The overwhelming feeling of melancholy consumed him at night, leaving a pain in his chest so deep he felt it in his throat. He felt so lost.
He still doesn't quite understand why he had such a drastic reaction to cooking alright food, surely he had been overreacting. He thinks this, but he also won't test that theory.
He's content with carrying out his mother's legacy, he thinks.
Food is something that connects people. When he cooked for Feng Xin and Mu Qing after they repaired and rebuilt their friendship and they took hesitant bites of what was meant to be soup, he did it because he wanted to put time and effort into something to show he was grateful. And when he went out to buy them food that would better suit their tastes, that food was meant to prove that he did in fact care about them and the meal he had just made was indeed just an accident.
Cooking for San Lang was the best, though.
San Lang didn't know why Xie Lian cooked like that and Xie Lian wasn't sure how to explain it.
He felt bad as he watched his husband eat his meals and had once asked a question burning in the back of his mind.
"San Lang, please don't take this question the wrong way but… do your taste buds work even as a ghost?"
San Lang had blinked before chuckling and replying, "Of course my taste buds still work. How else would I be able to tell gege about his cooking?"
Xie Lian was quite adept at spotting lies. Even the best liars had some tells and, if given time, Xie Lian could crack it. Either Hua Cheng was incredibly gifted at it, or he truly enjoyed eating Xie Liam's cooking and, knowing the ghost king, both were very plausible.
Hua Cheng couldn't be lying though, Xie Lian realized. He would critique Xie Lian's cooking all the time, though it was usually only after Xie Lian asked.
Xie Lian really, truly loved cooking, but he felt bad that Hua Cheng had to eat such disastrous meals each time. It wasn't even a matter of Xie Lian forcing himself into the kitchen, but rather San Lang requesting he cook.
Xie Lian took the critique in stride and edited the meals as requested, though. After serving the same dish three times, he could get the seasoning and texture much closer to what San Lang had suggested, though his bad luck and general cooking flair would always hinder the dish.
"What's gege's favorite thing to cook?" Hua Cheng asked one evening while he traced his calligraphy sheets, purposefully going faster than he should at his level.
"If San Lang starts writing properly, maybe I'll tell him," Xie Lian replied, crossing his arms.
His husband let out a groan and tossed his head back, causing Xie Lian to shake his head and bite back the smile that he always got when witnessing Hua Cheng's dramatics. Then, the ghost king obediently slowed down and changed his posture.
"I think there are a few favorites of mine," Xie Lian said, tilting his head as he thought. "Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, I don't remember making you 'Blissful Full Moon Stew' or 'Lovebirds Upon a Branch Meatballs."
"Gege is right, the only meatball dish this one remembers eating more than once is 'Incorruptible Chastity Meatballs.'"
Xie Lian stood up and dusted his robes off.
"Then, while you finish your calligraphy, how about I go make us dinner?" He said.
"But gege ," His San Lang whined, "If the dishes are so special to you, shouldn't this one be there to watch?"
And as much as Xie Lian wanted to be strict on his husband to finish his writing, he did want him to be there while he cooked. Whatever, they had forever in front of them. He could be selfish a few times.
"San Lang makes a good point," He nodded. "But you have to make up the rest of this writing the next time we have a session."
"Deal," His husband replied, though his eye gleamed with mischief.
In the kitchen, Xie Lian bustled around, making things in what probably appeared to be no particular way, but was probably the most thought he put into any dish.
"Can this one help?" Hua Cheng asked from where he sat criss-cross in a chair.
"No, San Lang only needs to watch," Xie Lian replied as he stirred the stew.
He eventually shooed San Lang away to go set the table so he could plate the dishes.
He grinned in satisfaction at the sight of the food and could recall the exact thoughts he had over 800 years ago.
The "Lovebirds" looked like death, and the "Blissful Full Moon" was, in fact, full of craters.
When Xie Lian set the dish down in front of Hua Cheng and sat down, he realized he still hadn't told him about the origins of the dish.
"Before you eat, I thought maybe San Lang would like to know the history of the dish," Xie Lian offered.
Hua Cheng looked intrigued. "There's history for these?"
Xie Lian nodded and said, "Actually, the way I cook isn't even my own style. It's my mother's."
San Lang's mouth fell open into a small 'O' shape and he nodded.
"These two dishes were both originally made by her a few centuries back. I've managed to recreate the taste to the best of my knowledge. I hope San Lang will enjoy it."
Hua Cheng nodded before taking a bite of the stew, chewing quietly, then taking a bite of the meatballs and doing the same thing. He then looked up to Xie Lian and smiled.
"Her majesty was truly a visionary," He said.
"San Lang doesn't need to stretch the truth," Xie Lian said with a smile.
He was well aware that the food, pardon his language, tasted like shit. His love for his mother could only barely conceal the horrible taste and look of the dishes.
"They both don't taste good," Xie Lian continued, taking a pause to eat his own food. "I hated it all those years ago, and I said as much."
"This one isn't lying, though," Hua Cheng said, and he said it with so much conviction. "Of course, there are some changes that could be made. It seems that the meatballs are overcooked and the stew is undercooked, not to mention that the stew's spice level overpowers the rest of the flavor and is also very sweet," and Xie Lian could only stare in awe as his husband criticized his mother's horrible cooking. "But, I can see what she was trying to do. Even though it doesn't taste like what she probably meant for it to, it's only a matter of small adjustments. I'm sure we could easily make what she had tried to do."
Xie Lian blinked, looked down at his food, then began to laugh. At first, it was just a few giggles, but he slowly escalated into painful heaving as he clutched his stomach.
"Gege?" Hua Cheng seemed a bit lost before he smiled at the sight.
"I'm s-sorry San Lang," Xie Lian said before taking a final gasp for air to calm down. "It's just, I'm so surprised and happy. No one has ever eaten my mother's cooking and seen a vision of what it was supposed to be, but the fact that you can, ah, what do I even say? My San Lang is just too perfect for words."
"Gege is being too generous."
"Nonsense, San Lang is amazing. How about we try to make it how she might've wanted it tomorrow? Or the day after?"
The next day, Xie Lian observed Hua Cheng and mimicked him. When he sat down to eat the food, it was just a little too salty and a little unevenly cooked, but it tasted much, much better.
This time, instead of crying and giving the food away, he imagined what his mother would think as he sat down to eat her recipe with his beloved and smiled. Food truly connected people.